FOR THOSE WHO TAKE 
LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

24 Jan

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is, like, night

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
 misquoted, then used against you.
8. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
9. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

10. Remember half the people you know are below average.

11. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it
 remains?

12. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
13. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
14. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

16. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
 cheese.

17. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
18. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

19. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.25.
20. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

21. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and
 going the wrong way.
22. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you
 tried.

23. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

24. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need
 it.

25. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

26. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

27. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

28. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness 
of the bread.

29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
 ability to reach it.

30. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many 
is research.

31. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
 principles.

32. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
33. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
34. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

35. The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch
 up.

36. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
37. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

38. Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!

39. Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.

40. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

41. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
42. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

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