On Sleeping Less and Sinking a Little Deeper….

21 Jul

…but clinging on to God with every ounce of my strength weakness.

The anxiety is building, the knot in my stomach is tightening, and I feel, I don’t know, WIRED (yes, wired NOT weird. I CAN spell…)
The adrenaline coursing through my body makes me unable to switch off, sit down, go to sleep. I cannot REST.

I am four days into my first pack of tablets. So far, my prayers that the side-effects would be minimal are being answered… I am going from hour-to-hour, meal to meal, sunrise to sundown like a zombie but suspect it’s more to do with sleep deprivation than the drugs.

However in the midst of this inner chaos, I have an anchor. He is holding onto me. Loving me. Soothing me with the balm and the truth of age-old promises: His plan for me is good and it is not to harm me, it is to give me a future and a hope, to prosper me and to bless me and my family.

How do I know He is right here, that He is dependable, and that I can lean on Him, trust His plan?

This is how I know: the love that He is pouring out on me through my amazing husband, kids, through true faithful friends… The way he is speaking to me through every single verse I read in the bible. Trust me that is a miracle!! Not that he is speaking but that I am hearing, loud and clear.

The stunning beauty of his creation around me.

He is here alright.

See, depression and anxiety are real. This is a real illness, which affects the whole of me. It’s not something I can just “get over” by just “getting a grip” or telling it to go away. It’s really not that simple! But I trust His purpose in taking me through this, here and now. I need to go through a process to get well. The process is part of my life’s journey, and He will use it for His glory, just the same as He has used the other painful parts of the journey so far.


One Response to “On Sleeping Less and Sinking a Little Deeper….”

  1. pinknikkij July 22, 2013 at 12:00 am #

    So true lovely lady. It’s really hard to be where you are right now. Right at the beginning of this challenging part of your journey. With patience, some rest, some peace in your heart and soul and most importantly some joy from our Lord you will get through this.

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