Archive | depression RSS feed for this section

On Sleeping Less and Sinking a Little Deeper….

21 Jul

…but clinging on to God with every ounce of my strength weakness.

The anxiety is building, the knot in my stomach is tightening, and I feel, I don’t know, WIRED (yes, wired NOT weird. I CAN spell…)
The adrenaline coursing through my body makes me unable to switch off, sit down, go to sleep. I cannot REST.

I am four days into my first pack of tablets. So far, my prayers that the side-effects would be minimal are being answered… I am going from hour-to-hour, meal to meal, sunrise to sundown like a zombie but suspect it’s more to do with sleep deprivation than the drugs.

However in the midst of this inner chaos, I have an anchor. He is holding onto me. Loving me. Soothing me with the balm and the truth of age-old promises: His plan for me is good and it is not to harm me, it is to give me a future and a hope, to prosper me and to bless me and my family.

How do I know He is right here, that He is dependable, and that I can lean on Him, trust His plan?

This is how I know: the love that He is pouring out on me through my amazing husband, kids, through true faithful friends… The way he is speaking to me through every single verse I read in the bible. Trust me that is a miracle!! Not that he is speaking but that I am hearing, loud and clear.

The stunning beauty of his creation around me.

He is here alright.

See, depression and anxiety are real. This is a real illness, which affects the whole of me. It’s not something I can just “get over” by just “getting a grip” or telling it to go away. It’s really not that simple! But I trust His purpose in taking me through this, here and now. I need to go through a process to get well. The process is part of my life’s journey, and He will use it for His glory, just the same as He has used the other painful parts of the journey so far.


Medicinal Sticky Toffee

17 Jul

So anyone with half a brain reading through (and in between the lines of) this random blog of mine will have worked out by now that, yes, I am indeed suffering with a mental illness.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that.

It has, however, taken me about 3-4 months to face facts, to accept facts and to realise that I need medication to help me get better.
But the truth has finally landed – and I am both floored yet also relieved by it.

So over the next days, weeks, months – I am going to start exploring the ins and outs of depression in this blog, the issues it raises, and my journey towards deeper, better wholeness – my journey towards fuller life.

And to this means, I shall start with……well, cake – what else?!
Because I have realised one thing: while I struggle to get on with many things at the moment, while just getting through to the end of each day feels like an impossible, superhuman, monumental expedition, baking and drawing are two things that make me soar, give me life, get my blood pumping and my energy buzzing!

So hey, people, guess what: over the next few months I’m gonna be baking a whole lot! Seeing as its basically my therapy, I don’t really think I have much of a choice.

Do I.

We begin with Sticky Toffee Pudding.


See that, in the box?
Millions of them, straight from Saudi Arabia.
I’ll explain in another post.

But what better thing to do, when you have a few spare dates lying around, than to make this most iconic and decadent of cakes, which is really a glorified (and glorious) pudding.

On with the recipe then, which is taken and adapted from a trusted Jamie Oliver book.

(Recipe in next post! Sorry to be a tease….)
(It’s worth it. Honest.)

%d bloggers like this: